It's been a whirlwind here in Valhalla. I've been ill, had tests done, had a hospital stay, had a dear sister-cousin pass away. It has been enough to make even the strongest Goddess question her life.
Let me explain.
In our lives, it's been said that our cousins are our first real friends. They are the ones we see and play with the most( other than our own siblings) and we learn and test our social skills on them before moving on to our neighbours and schoolmates. It's true- and I had many many, many, cousins to practice on. My Goddess-mum came from a family with 18 siblings. Yes- you read that correctly- it was NOT a typo......18...EIGHTEEN.
My parents had a relatively small family of only 5 children. Only two of the other maternal siblings had less than my Mom and Daddy. One had two- one had 4. I ended up - last count about 15 years ago- with 167 cousins altogether. yes- that is a lot of cousins. And we all loved each other very much.
Even so- you do have your special ones. The ones you really felt a connection with- the ones you knew you could tell all your secrets too and as long as it didn't involve getting THEM in hot water- they wouldn't tell- your secret was safe.
I had a few like that. Stacy, Missy,(sisters) ......Christopher Mark, Kathy, Tina(siblings), Daniel and Ricki(brother and sister).
The only ones older than me were Kathy and Daniel. And only by a year or two. I think I was a bit closer to Stacy and Missy, mainly because we got to see them a bit more often than the rest of the cousins. They were the ones that could make us laugh and always come up with a good game to play because they had as wonderful an imagination as we did. As we grew older, our lives became more busy and as we got married and starting having our own families, we saw less and less of each other until it came a time when we only got to see each other at our annual family reunion. But oh how we looked forward to those reunions. We would hug and talk and joke and kid around and it was just like we were when we were little.
Stacy and Missy became really involved in their churches and my siblings and I grew more distant from ours. Stacy even became a minister. And Missy was always in church with her. They loved to sing and they sang to the glory of the Lord every chance they got.
Late last year, Missy was diagnosed with stage 4 Cancer. I didn't have a clue. I know she and Stacy both kind of disappeared from face book about that time but as I was all the way across the world, I didn't know why. I figured it was because it was around the holidays and as we all get busy around that time of year- and with them being so church involved, they were just really busy.
Then week before last I saw Missy had posted on FB. I was thrilled and couldn't wait to have a chat with her again. But it wasn't to be. I'm not sure who- but they had posted on her FB page that Missy had passed away the night before and that she wasn't in pain anymore but was walking the streets of Heaven with the Lord. She was a few years younger than me- about my middle sisters age.
It has broken my heart. I wish I had known she was sick. It just seems like the ONLY person I got to say a proper goodbye to before they passed was my daddy. Everyone else passes and I don't get to see them or say my goodbyes. My son, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Just here one day- gone the next.
It's made me realise my own mortality. Just like I did when my daddy passed...and when my youngest son left us less than two years after that. You start thinking about what if your time is next. You start thinking about all the things you haven't done that you want to do before your time on Earth is done. You start thinking about if you passed, would anyone know what things you would want your loved ones to have to remember you by... I'm trying to give all my siblings a few things to remember me by. Sending them things I know they would love to have and would make them think about me were I not with them anymore.
I do have a very few things I want to go to specific people in my life. Just a few trinkets here and there.... Everything else would go to my loving husband. He is my world and I am his and other than a few sentimental things all my worldly possessions are intertwined with him and our lives together.
I probably need to write these things down so it's known what goes to who.
Okay- so enough about death. I need to get on with living.
So- also- I have made a new friend at work. The poor little darling is almost clueless. She can't cook, hates her in laws, and loves to talk. Even more than me- I rarely can get a word in edgewise. But she is so very sweet and a lot of fun to be around.
She has made me think about being a Goddess. Even more than I ususally do.
Even tho I am a Goddess- and I like things my way most of the time- it's not ALWAYS the BEST way.
Fellow Goddesses, I cannot stress enough that being a Goddess and having Goddess Attitude is NOT ALWAYS about getting your own way. Sometimes, you have to decide if making another person happy is more important to you or if getting your own way is more important.
You HAVE to choose your battles wisely.
Sometimes you have to indulge your mere mortals wishes. Just sit back, smile an indulgent little smile and let them have their way with no questions asked and No strings attached. Just allow them to have what THEIR heart desires. As long as it doesn't hurt your heart to allow them the happiness they are asking for- why shouldn't you? Besides, if you give in to their happiness on the things that REALLY don't mean that much to you- you will have more success in having things YOUR way when it really matters the most to YOU. Happiness and contentment really is a two way street.
So what if you really don't eat pasta.....if your Mere Mortal loves it- learn to make it for HIS happiness. If you don't like to go to Comicon- then book a spa day and tell him to go on his own or take a like minded friend with him in your place. BOTH of you will come home later that night(or weekend if it's a two day thing) and both of you will be happy and content and loving having had time to do what YOU want to do. You do NOT have to be joined at the hip all the time. You still have to have Me Time, as my lovely friend Betty Rage has said on MANY occasions!!!
It's most important to remember this one point:
Who is a Goddess if she has no one to worship her?
Give them a reason to worship you. (And to fear your wrath.)
Much Love,
