Mere Mortal....My God...

Yes- we Goddesses do have our Mere Mortals.

But once in a while, we find a Mere Mortal who is heads above the others. And that's our Soul-mate.

I found mine. Yes, we argue and yes, we have habits that annoy the hell out of each other. But when I look at him, I still get butterflies in my stomach and my heart skips beats.
When he walks into a room, I can tell. Even if my back is to him, there's an electrical current in the air that practically crackles and I can feel the hair on my neck start to stand up. And when I turn around- there he is.

I love that man with every fibre of my being. I love his salt and pepper hair. It used to be jet back when  we first got married, but it has since turned a lovely salt and pepper during the almost 10 years we've been married.As my granny says- for every grey hair you've had a good time.

I love the way he tugs at his beard when he's concentrating on something he's doing. I love the way his butt looks when he walks across the room. I love they way his kisses always have a tinge of the taste of blueberries in them. (I have no idea either, but he does).

I love his thighs. He has the sexiest legs. Sturdy- muscular....no bird legs on my mere mortal. I even love his feet. I absolutely detest feet. I think feet have got to be the ugliest of God's creations. I cringe to even look at them-let alone touch them. But My Mere Mortals' feet fascinate me. They're long and wide and the second toe is longer than the big toe and it's even a bit longer than MY pinkie finger.....and I think they're adorable!!!

I love the way he buys me little things to make me laugh. I love the way he still wears the silver chain I gave him as a gift for his being my mentor/tutor when I bought my first computer and was scared to even turn the thing on.We had only known each other 6 months when I bought it for him and the clasp broke several years ago- but he won't even take it off long enough for the jewellers to repair it.

I love the way he will wrap his arms around my waist and kiss me on the back of the neck when I'm standing at the sink washing up the supper dishes. And I love it equally as much when we're walking along talking and he reaches over to hold my hand...or quietly crosses over to the side of the sidewalk so he's closest to the road and traffic than I am and tries to not make it obvious that's what he's doing.

My Mere Mortal? Yes.
But also My Love, My  Heart, My Husband.........and My God.

But we'll keep that our little secret. Ummmmmmkay????

Goddess Rules,
Elena xxxx

On Doms & Subs.....And Naughtiness in the Bedroom.

My new friend over at Betty Rage Explains It All wrote a post on one of her dates.

Now, from what I gather, this guy is a FIT HOTTIE. You can read all about him on her blog and get it straight from Betty's mouth, but he's a Dane, and hung like a horse. And a bit on the submissive side. I cant wait to hear how that date went last night.

Anyway, in the comments, I said that I think in order to find out who our true selves are- we have to try new things now and again....go outside our comfort zone. And I honestly believe that with all my heart.

There are few things I haven't tried.
One thing I've kept is the spanking. O.M.G. I love to get spanked by my Mere Mortal. And when he does it- in my estimation he is a GOD. He knows exactly how hard I like it and where I like it too. Being brought up in a traditional middle class home- his upbringing is such that he isn't entirely comfortable with hitting a woman in any way, shape, or form....not even at her request. But he does it occasionally because he loves me and he wants to make me happy- and Happy he certainly DOES make ME!!!
I'm not sure what it is that makes spanking so hot for me. The bare skin contact for certain......the anticipation of the next stinging swat..... the tingling heat when it finally happens. Maybe it's the vuneralbility that I love, too.
I'm always trying to stay in control of every single aspect of my life. Budgeting, work, household chores, shopping.....everything has a process- an order in which things work most efficiently and smoothly.......but in the bedroom, it's not all about ME being in control. It's all about pleasing each other....about trying new things and keeping things fresh and lovely and interesting and naughty all at the same time.

I also love filthy talk. I used to be silent when MM and I were making love, but after watching sex movies one day(yes- I watch those kind of movies- more than my MM is truth be told)- I asked him if it would turn him off if I tried it. He said absolutely it would not and so I did. And that was some of the hottest sex ever.

I admit, I like cuddling. But I like a bit of rougher loving from my MM just as much. I like the nips and swats. I like the filthy talk and hair pulling. I absolutely ADORE bondage. The feeling of being completely and totally under my MMs control. The absolute trust you have to have in someone to allow them to do that. I could only do that with my soul mate. And my MM is mine. I have never put my trust so into one person before. And I daresay I never will again.

Back to the subject however........
I love erotic art.  My bedroom has to have erotic sculptures in it. Erotic art and photographs on the walls...things to inspire us and put our thoughts towards one ending....
 A Happy One...

Some people don't like things like that in their homes. They are afraid of people seeing it. I can see that for public areas such as the kitchen, dining or living room. But the Master bedroom- That's a Private area. It's not a place anyone but the Master(s) and Mistress(es) of the house should be and it should be exactly the way they want it to be- a place for them to be themselves- open and bare to their soul mate without the fear of being judged.

It's no ones business but their own- The Master Bedroom is off limits to the public. Especially the  Parents and Children.

It's your own Private Heaven.


Goddess Rules,
Elena xxxx

The Lone Goddess......

My Mere Mortal and I went out last night and had a few drinks with a few of our workmates. Actually, I should say FORMER workmates, because the only ones still working for the company is MM and myself. Everyone else has moved on to other places. It just isn't the same without those guys there either.

I was the lone Goddess in the group- and that didn't bother me even a tiny bit. I've always gotten along better with a group of guys than in a group of girls. I guess it comes from always working in an occupation that is generally male dominated. Law enforcement, Logistics...mostly male employees.

Once they figure out that I'm not easily offended by their discussions on various things, I'm usually looked at as one of the guys. They were all cutting up last night about a few things and when I didn't blink at their topics of discussion and told them to cut out apologising for a few words  they said, they relaxed. They were all kind of open mouthed when I threw out a couple of lines to join in the discussions tho- even my MM- and he's used to me being obnoxiously blatant about EVERYTHING. Usually, in a group, I will add a remark or two agreeing or disagreeing about something if I can think of something witty or relevant to add, but for me to come out with something that's just as obnoxious and blatant as they do- that rarely happens. It's just not me- not Goddess-like.
 But last night during the discussion about sex(namely blow jobs) MM made a comment that took me by surprise and rather than sit back and smile like I usually do- what popped into my head came out of my mouth.
It left them all slack jawed and as soon as it was out of my mouth I FELT like clapping my hand over my mouth and covering my face.....what I DID was smile, sit back in my chair, raise my eye-brow and take another long drink.
Goddess Attitude....never let em see you sweat.I mean Glisten....Goddesses don't sweat- we Glisten.

After sitting there in the dead pin-drop silence for about 15 seconds, one of the guys recovered enough to finally say-"That was entirely TMI.....!!"
I just looked at them, arched my eyebrow again, took out my lips gloss and started applying it, and said- "Look- y'all are the ones who started the conversation- I just added my two cents worth- if you didn't want to hear comments from everyone- maybe you shouldn't discuss them in the open like that. " Put the lid back on the lip gloss, snapped shut my compact and dropped them back on my bag, sat back and took another sip of my Vodka and Apple juice. And smiled sweetly at them all.

They all laughed and  the night continued.
Whew- dodged a bullet on that one.

It was a smallish group- and things were pretty subdued last night.
Even more so after I got a text from my very best friend. We met at work and me and this lady just CLICKED from the get-go. The very first time I met her, I was in a cast from breaking my foot, and the second she walked up I noticed her eyes. OMG- she has the LOVELIEST crystal clear cat green eyes I have ever seen. And she wears make-up the way it should be, and she's curvy and has gorgeous white teeth that just blind you when she smiles that beautiful smile of hers. Yeah- I have a bit of a girl-crush on her because she's all the things I'm trying to be. Smart, pretty, friendly, smart dresser, independent, confident.......

I've been trying to get her to let me take some photos of her. I'm a bit of a camera buff and I'm trying to get more experience in taking portraits and am interested in starting to do some Boudoir and a bit of pin-up type shots- but she just doesn't like cameras. Period.  She is so camera shy and I cannot for the life of me see why. She won't even let me do head and shoulders shots of her and she honestly has one of the loveliest and most interesting faces I have ever seen. And for that not to be photographed just makes me feel sad for the world.

Someday.

Anyway, she has been offered a position in another company...not just a job, mind you...a POSITION. HUGE difference in the two. Job- work for pay, be bored to tears every day, go home to relax, on and on and on and on........... Position-Be in charge- get paid well- love going in every day because you ENJOY what you're doing.

I feel I know her so well and what is good for her and this new position defo would be a change for the better for her in SOOOOO many ways. And yet, I'm heartbroken. She is my sanity in that boring place we work in. We lunch together as often as our schedules allow-  we hug each other every DAY. She's only other human (other than my Mere Mortal) that I actually physically touch every day. She and I interact more every day than me and my Mere Mortal do- and he works there too. She's my best friend in a country where I have but one other girl I feel close enough to to call a friend. And I am going to miss her so much because I know for a fact she will take this position. She would be crazy to NOT take it and my Bestie is a very intelligent woman.

Yes, I know we can and will still see each other outside work like we do now. But things just aren't going to be the same. When she leaves,I will once again be the Lone Goddess in a company full of idiotic, backstabbing, trash talking, undeserving of my friendship, females.- and I will miss her sweet company and smiling face.

So many changes.  But I shall overcome...


I.
Am.
GODDESS.

Goddess Rules,
Elena xxx

Madam Karma and The Vengeful Goddess

Have you met her? Madam Karma? She can be a real BITCH.

She's the Goddess's Vengeful Cousin and she is finally coming into her own.

She takes a while to get to people on that LONG list, but when she does- she really DOES.

I've always thought of myself as a mostly kind, sweet, generous, forgiving(if not forgetting) gentle person. But a couple of days ago I learned a bit of info that has me thinking maybe I'm a bit more like my vengeful cousin than I thought.

I had an ex who, when we were together, used to beat the everliving HELL out of me. He would kick, punch, slap, and starve me. Lock me in the house so I couldn't have visitors, and abandon me for days at a time with nothing but a can of tomatoes in the house to eat. And take the tin opener with him.

Why was I in a relationship with him? Because he wasn't that way when we met....he wasn't like that until we were married a few months and he was introduced to drugs and booze. And it was a quick downhill slide from there. I kept thinking he would get bored of it all....or he would grow up and realise what he was going to lose if he didn't.......or....some miracle would happen. but it didn't work like that.

He never touched the kids. He threatened to once- and that was the final straw for me. I was terrified of him, but I loved my kids more than I had ever loved anything or anyone and I swore they would never know the horrors of what he was putting me thru.
So I was careful, and quiet, and I put away every single cent I could get my hands on. I did quite a few things I was ashamed of- but I today hold my head high because the things that I did- I did to save mine and my kids lives by getting us away from him.

I didn't ask for child support- or alimony- He didn't take care of us while we was together and he was just spiteful enough to  refuse to pay and then be put in jail and when he got out take the kids and RUN with them. Not because he wanted and loved them, but because he knew how much I loved and wanted them and how much it would have hurt me to NOT have them.

That was 30 years ago when I finally got away from him and the terrors he put me thru.

A couple of days ago I learned that he is in the hospital. He's been having some kidney problem since the mid 90's, but now he's had to have some surgery....Yesterday he had one to amputate his leg. The same one that he used to favour when he was kicking me in the face and ribs(once when I was pregnant-I didn't KNOW I was til I went to the hospital, but I was)...... and next week- he's having another surgery to amputate his fingers....quite possibly his entire hand. Again, the one he favoured when he was punching and slapping me in the face and dragging me round the house by the hair when I curled into a ball to protect myself.

And when I heard this news.....I was happy.
No, I wasn't just Happy- I was fucking GLEEFUL!!! I kid you not- I was walking around with a HUGE smile on my face all day.  I would just break out laughing a few times  when I thought about it.

And I am sitting here now thinking, Am I totally insane for feeling that happy about someones comeuppance? Or am I totally justified in feeling that way? I'm actually scaring myself a little bit  because I never thought I had that kind of hate in myself.

But I do. I still do. I won't ever forgive him for the things he put me and those kids thru. Because even tho he never actually laid a finger on them, he did damage. Just by the things they saw and heard even tho they were tiny and I never thought they understood what was going on. They did. And it's carried over into their adult lives.

The damage he did to me has affected every single relationship I've been in since then. And not just the male ones. It's affected me in my friendships- or LACK of them in my life with my female friends too.
If I have a female friend who is in an abusive relationship- I will try and help her. But if she just keeps going back to him, I have actually ended my relationship/friendships with these women. I cant tolerate that kind of stupidity in my life- even looking at them ...I just cant. I wont. I refuse to be a part of anything like that again. Ever.
I will defend a female being hurt and beat on and abused-even verbally...and I will defend her to my last breath...but if she chooses to go back to him- she is on her own. Don't call me next time- Don't call me at all. Don't come to me ever again looking for help- because I will close the door in your face after telling you to go to the police for help. Don't show up at my door. Don't talk to my family- or my REAL friends. You made your choice.
I do not put myself in those dead end situations.
I escaped once with my life- I will not waste it.

My daughter swears he has turned his life around and asked for prayers, or cards, or flowers from anyone who felt they could  do so. Just to brighten his spirits. Apparently, he has turned his life around- but no one is willing to give him a 54th chance........It's too late for him with those people who have known him over the years.

I said a prayer. That my daughter and her brother can find peace in themselves and not let their past with him screw up their futures.
As for a card or flowers?- Fuck that. I'll dance on his fucking grave- in a flaming red dress and black patent stilettos with red lipstick on while singing Ain't That A Shame by Fats Domino.

That's the kind of scary shit I'm thinking instead of all the forgive and forget Southern Baptist shit I was taught in Sunday School.

Not very Goddess Like, Is it?
Or if it is- I've Turned into the Vengeful Goddess.

Either way- it doesn't matter- I am who I am.
I am a SURVIVOR.


I.

AM.

GODDESS.

Goddess Daydreams.....

Is it wrong that sometimes I think the Zombie Apocalypse needs to go ahead and happen to weed out the stupid and useless people of the world?

Also to get out of having to go into a soulless job every day?

I seriously think that's the reason I watch The Walking Dead every week...because I'm so damn envious of them.

I mean imagine having to live by your wits for a change. Not having to get up by an alarm clock blaring it's inane bleeps at you. Imagine not having to get dressed in that ridiculous coat and tie and dress up clothes every day. Imagine the weight you'd lose having to walk everywhere you went- and having to scrounge for your food here and there.
I'll bet we would appreciate the little things in life a HELL of a lot more than we do now. 

I know life would be FAR from perfect. You'd learn very quickly to defend yourself- not only against the Zombies, but against the REAL monsters in the world. You'd have to. There wouldn't be a police force anymore. It would be you taking care of you and yours.

You'd learn to take advantage of every moment of your life. You'd learn to slow down and listen to what's going on around you. To SEE what was going on, instead of just letting life pass you by while you go about the daily grind of what you do now.

You'd learn to love hard and fast....and deeply. Not more playing musical partners- unless there was a damn GOOD reason. You'd have to learn to trust. And things would be more equal. For everyone.   The strong would survive, the weak and lazy wouldn't.

Life would take on a totally new meaning for us all.

How long would you survive?

Me? I'd RULE the WORLD.

Much Love,
Elena xxx

On Knowing Yourself.

Most women don't, you know.

Most people go directly from one relationship into another.......sometimes starting another before the one they are in is at an end.

I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone- male or female- would do that.

Honestly, I think that there should be a mandatory 5 years after you turn 18 that you are required to live on your own  before you can get engaged or married. You just don't know who YOU are until you've done that.

 Know who YOU are  and what YOU like and want out of life before committing to a lifelong relationship.