I AM GODDESS

The time has finally arrived. There is a breaking point in everyone's life when you just cannot take anymore.
I am at that point.
Is it wrong that having been saddled with more work than one can handle- you finally give up? I believe I have reached that point. After countless relentless hours of giving all I have to it- I finally broke.
I've begged, I've pleaded, I've explained and discussed and it has gotten me nowhere. After almost breaking myself to the point of no return, I was called into a meeting with HR and with my team leader last week. They are unhappy with my unsatisfactory work.  After yet again trying to tell them why my work is so unsatisfactory(not only to them but more importantly to ME) I got a PIP. (Personal Improvement Plan) and given until the 28th of the month to bring my performance up to speed.It's most certainly NOT going to happen. Not only did they deny me any relief, they told me my workload is going to increase again significantly.
And you know what? After the initial shock of it(I've only been fired once before and that was my very first job and because of a misunderstanding) and a good cry. I was strangely relieved after talking with my Mere Mortal Hubby.
He assured me that he understands what is going on and that he knows I have been quite unhappy(to put it mildly) in my work situation for a long while and that IF things go south and I'm dismissed, with his salary we can certainly survive until I can find other employment.
So, I have been applying for jobs all week. And will continue to do so. I'm not willing to put my health on the back burner any longer for a company who refuses to take into account the stress they are being shown, time and time again, and refusing to acknowledge.
I'm preparing, Not that I WANT to KEEP the job- as a matter of fact if they dont dismiss me next week at the review I will probably burst into tears and demand to know why NOT- they PROMISED!!! (Seriously, it is that BAD a situation with me now).
No- but because it's not right the way they are going about it.
I fully acknowledge my work is unsatisfactory- I've told them so and the reasons why. One person cannot do the job of 3 and our entire team is being required to do that.
But they cannot keep it up.
We are dropping like flies.
I just want it to be over and done with so I -so WE- can get on to better times.
I'm so DONE with this phase of my life and ready for the good to roll out the red carpet once again.
Times may be sparse for a while- but that is what makes us better, stronger- to be able to go thru the tough times and make it to the better times.
I will not be defeated.

I AM GODDESS

Just Desserts

This afternoon we sit here in my mortal abode- it's chilly and just a bit uncomfortable.
As he was reaching for the fleece throw, I asked the MM why he didn't turn the heat on. He said because it's  expensive and the only reason he was cold was because he had just walked home in the cold rain from the dentist appointment. I thought about that answer- and asked him then why was I cold because I certainly did not walk from work home in the cold rain. He said that I was always cold and as an "American" I had no tolerance for mild discomfort.

I beg to differ.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact I may or may not be an "American". It has to do with the fact that I have lived my entire life in discomfort. Getting up before the break of dawn to build a fire in the heater or fireplace to wash and dry my hair before going out in the cold to stand and wait on the school bus to spirit me away to a school that was almost equally as cold first thing in the morning..... And so my little brothers and sisters could get up into a decently warm house(or at least a warm kitchen and family room)  instead of shaking and shivering the 30 minutes while waiting for the fire to be built and the room to get warm. It comes from not having A/C most of my life- of sweating and being miserable in the heat and humidity of the Southern Summers. Of having to rely on a fan in the window to pull in a bit of whatever air was outside to at least get a breeze until we got ceiling fans for each room and of lying in the bed at night with our faces in the window because it was so hot at night in the summertime you couldn't breathe if you didn't.
It comes from the early adult lean years when every spare penny of my cash went to feeding and clothing my babies when we had next to nothing because of- circumstances. Of going door to door asking the neighbors if they needed any yard-work done and then working til dusk on my own while the babies played in the yard while I did it, because I needed to buy formula or diapers or clothes for my little ones because of-circumstances. Of buying pre-loved toys and making then like new for them for Christmas because I'd rather stay home with them and enjoy those precious moments making memories growing up than go to work and miss out of those moments and be able to buy a load of crap they wont remember when they grow up. Ask my kids what they remember about Christmas at our house- I've rarely heard them mention what they got except for just a couple of really special gifts- but they can tell you all about how things looked and smelled and sounded and how those things now remind them of their Christmases at home.

So no- it's most certainly not because I have no tolerance for  discomfort- it comes from deprivation and hardships and struggle- and now that I am older and able to pay for the creature comforts- I fully intend to have them and never deprive myself of them again.
I've earned it- and refuse to have it any other way.

End Of.

The Tribe....

Have you ever thought about your "Tribe"?
The women who support you?Well, I say women- but guys included sometimes.

Think about it.....

I have my Tribe. A core group that is larger than I thought it was... women who lift me up and support me and I know should I EVER need them for anything- they would BE there. No Questions asked- if I asked- they would come.

My list started out with a core few.
My Mom
My Sisters: Tee M & Valina M & my SIL Doris.
My Daughter and Daughter in laws: Julie H, Kathy R, & Marie H.(Even tho Marie isn't with my son anymore- I know I could count on her.) My Grand daughters- I have 4. Alyssa, Audriana, Bella and Katelynn. My Nieces(I wont name them but there are several)
My Best Friends: Rhonda B & Lisa B.
Then the Circle widens........
My Sister Friends... The chosen ones who are like a sister to me: Cece, Kimmy, Terry Topcat, Lois, Suzie Q, Stephi, Karen M, Sarah J, Kiki, Terry B, and Jennifer K.H, Mary, Ann, Martha, Joan, Pauline, Kath, Sarah, Yvonne
And the circle widens again: Lynn x 2, Linzi, Kerry, Stacey, Hope, Dessa, Mary Ann, Tina, And RIP HellKat.
The Guys...... Hubby, Frank, Thomas, Charlie, Edward, David, Anthony, Michael, James, Chris K,  Chris B, TJ, Devon, CJ, Richard, Glenn, Bob x2, Dooley, Harry, RIP Clayton & Daddy 

Okay, so that is my Core Tribe. the people I KNOW I can count on to be there when I need then.
61+ Strong-(since Daddy, Clay & Kat isn't here to participate but they are always in our hearts looking out for us.)
62+ if I count myself.
Now- That seems like a lot of Tribe, doesn't it?
Yet, that's not even close to my whole tribe.(& I know I left a few out- on purpose because they are more private than the rest of us.....)
Think of it. Each one of those people I named has their own core tribe- and each of those has their own core tribe.
How many tribe members do I have now? Thousands.

Its the ripple effect. The Circle widens with each person added.
You dont realize how very blessed you are til you think about it!!! You cant let those people down- and you have to be there to back them up when the call comes too.
 That's a Lot of Love, people.

Continuance...

It is now into the second month in the current year of this realm.
I am indeed getting back to my Valhallan roots, so to speak, but the journey back is proving to be a rather all uphill trek.
There are treacherous pitfalls all along the way.  Birthdays, Holidays, *Jobs*, "Medical Conditions" and above all- Time.....All the trappings of the Demons that hunt me and my fellow Goddess Sisters along our journey as we battle our way back to our Eden-to Our Beloved Valhallan Roots.

I wont let it stop me tho. They can come at me all they like- I am a warrior. The Best of the Best. I have been trained with The Almighty Goddesses I call my Sisters- and together we stand- fighting together as one. Granted- we fight from different regions in this Realm- but we fight knowing our Sister-Goddesses are out there fighting the same battles and just knowing so makes us fight harder to be reunited some day.

Every day brings a new battle- a new foe- and every day we change our tactics and plan a new battle strategy accordingly.We will not ever Give Up- We will not Surrender.

We are Goddess- and soon we will Rule Supreme in Valhalla again. 

The Cusp of The New Year

The Goddess Elena has been coasting thru this year. I have sat back and observed, been lazy as a Mere Mortal, and came into some realizations as I did so.

The Goddess reign in this Mortal realm is in danger of collapse- or it has been. During my year of observation, I've learned that if you are complacent about your life and beliefs and way of living- you begin to assimilate into the  human race.
And I say this with all seriousness- it will be the end of the Goddess if I allow this to go on any longer.

I realize I must now make a conscious effort to remain true to my beginnings, to my true self, no more masquerading as one of the mortals to learn. I have learned far more than I needed to and it has almost ended up destroying my inner being, my true self, my destiny as a True Goddess.

I must back away from the trappings of the mortals, I must return myself to the ethereal being I was destined to be. I will deny myself the demons who disguise themselves as  sweet indulgences- but are in truth the poison of my body and soul. I will hold my head high and deny myself these demons who tempt me. I will regain my heavenly body and temperament, shunning the temptations of Mortality- for those temptations of Mortality bring with them death and destruction.
I will do so no more. I will only accept the best that this life has to offer, I will not settle for anything ever again. Things will become exactly as I want them- or they will remain forever silent. I will not settle. I am a Goddess- destined to become stronger- to achieve anything and everything I wish to do and be. I may have lost sight of that while observing, but I have come to my senses.
It shall be no more.

Elena has returned and she is not waiting for the first day of the next year as is the tradition of the Mortals.
The time is now... Today.... The moment you make that decision. Not the next day- or the next week.
NOW. This Moment.And so it returns to the way it was meant to be.

So Let It Be Written- So Let It Be Done.

Elena The Benevolent- Like It Or Not.

Mortals make everything so complicated.
Not MERE Mortals this time, mind you... Mortal Women.

Today I had a lovely idea- The Month of December, on Monday Mornings(Only 3 Mind you because the company I hold a mortal position in has a mandatory week off for Christmas Policy) I was going to bring in a couple of treat trays- little goodies like cakes and candies that are usually only made during the Christmas Season back home.

Well, I told one of the Mortals that I was planning on inviting the rest of the office to join me so we would have lots of little home made treats in the office to look forward to on Mondays during the month.  Well, she took it and said that was a great idea- but we would clear out an area and put a donation box up for charity. Then she went to take it to the Office Manager to get approval- and it has turned into not only a Charity Event- it's going to be on all MONTH LONG til we go on Mandatory Holiday!!! For "Charity".

Now, dont get me wrong, I donate to several charities all year long and dont begrudge them a penny of it- but just ONCE- does it all have to turn into a corporate event- cant we just do something simple and understated for just our office to enjoy?  I get so sick of all the join-inery that goes on- and now it's not a fun thing to do- it's a full blown OBLIGATION.... It started out as MY idea and I will get credit for it- but this is NOT what I had in mind at all.
It's no wonder I cant make friends over here- everything is turned into an "Event" instead of an intimate gathering of friends and colleagues. I'm not god in crowds. I dont like crowds that much- and if I'm in a crowd- I tend to tuck myself away in a corner or at the edge and  observe instead of joining in. It's just me.

Am I wrong to feel so pissed off at this turn of events? Or are my feelings Justified?
I'm absolutely LIVID about it.

What are my Fellow Goddesses Thoughts?
Shall I throw Lightning  and Thunderbolts? Or shall I just opt out of the entire thing? Or somewhere in between- such as bring things- enjoy the treats, but just refuse to donate to the "Corporate Do-Goodery"?
Yes- Elena is Absolutely Livid. I dont want the credit for making it the best event of the year- I want something quiet and sweet. Like me.
Stop laughing. I can hear you laughing.

Lamenting Goddess Maintenance

This week shall be devoted to high profile Goddess maintenance as the Goddess Jewel' Wedding Day fast approaches.

I wonder why I even bother, tho. If it wasn't for the fact I AM Goddess I most certainly would NOT.

Mere Mortal continues his head-achy illness journey- so there is no kisses and cuddles and love-making going on as it drives the blood pressure high and makes him physically ill. I assuredly do not get remotely close to anyone at work- least of all close enough for them to see if I have unshorn armpits and legs. I pull my hair back with a goddess band in my golden tresses, so why in the name of Thor am I going to the four hour trouble of these ritualistic showering and shampooing and conditioning, shaving and lotioning and moisturizing and powdering and perfuming myself?

Most certainly the showering and shampooing I can not see myself doing without- but the rest of it is just mortal vanity. Again, I most certainly do not actually DO anything to make me perspire and become malodorous as I sit on my rapidly expanding Mortal posterior in a climate controlled office in front of a computer all day long. Hardly the thing a Valkyrie Warrior Goddess would warrant as remotely taxing.

I could certainly be spending my precious time doing other things; such as workouts and food prep to get this pathetic excuse of a mortal body back in top Goddess form.

Is it really worth it until there is something to make it worth my while? It is certainly fast losing it's shimmer for this Most High and Supreme Goddess.