*Goddess Eyebrow*

It has been one of those weeks-for the past couple of months.

This Goddess is sitting back contemplating her life and has come to the conclusion- it's over and done with- Let It Go. (This Goddess would also like to point out that she DETESTS that song- never sing it in her presence or there is a large probability that you will know the feeling of being smothered by a pillow.)
 (She would also like to point out that this post is going to be all over the place because that's how scattered the past couple of months has been, and she has a few things that she needs to get out and none of them can really be meshed together. But she will try.)

 This Goddess has rocked some hair and makeup this weekend. Since my bestie left town for a better life, I've been slacking off with the girlie things on a daily basis. It's to the point I only pretty-up a couple times a week and on Saturdays when 3M and I go out into town for the day. I've been depressed as now BOTH my bezzies live withing 5 miles of each other in the town I moved FROM two years ago. I miss my girlie chats. I miss comparing outfits(altho one of my girlies and I still do via text- it just isn't quite the same- but will have to do for now.) I also miss my sister hugs. I think I've said before, but I just don't have enough human contact. I always thought I wasn't a big touchy-feelie kind of person, but that was when I was home where I had brothers and sisters and my parents and my kids and grand kids and a dozen friends that touched me almost every day. A pat on the back, a hug, a quick peck on the cheek. SOMETHING. Over here, I have 3M. And being a Brit- and brought up in a family that defo isn't very touchy feelie I get a kiss when we get to work, a hug when we come in from work and at bedtime, and  to give him credit- he does reach over and caress me when we are watching TV in the evenings... be it my leg, my hip, my thigh, my arm, my hair. He also is big on hand holding when we are out walking around on our weekend walks... He does his part, but I definitely regret buying the sofas we bought when we moved into our flat. We used to have a large sofa and we would sit at each end and put our feet towards each other and read or watch movies. Or we would lie on the couch spooning and watch movies or TV shows together..... But the stupid couch we bought is a Cinema seating one....basically, three recliners with armrests and cup holders between the seats. Lovely for watching TV and movies, but I damn well hate the thing because we can't cuddle on it anymore. I miss that and it can't be replaced soon enough for me.  Next one we get is going to be a huge sectional sofa so we have seating for us AND company.
I digress. At work I'm doing better-if certain people would let me DO what I'm supposed to DO and let me get on with it. I'm sick to death of being given something to do and then being given 15 other things to do and all of it is priority. I cannot live with this kind of chaos in my daily life. I feel as tho I'm ready to explode any minute. 
On a personal note at work, the guys I work with have finally decided to accept me. They have come to realise they don't have to watch every word they say around me and if they cuss or complain, that's as far as it will go- I'm not going to tattle on them for complaining- nor and I going to file a harassment suit against them for treating me like one of the guys. But even with being treated  like one of the guys comes pitfalls. I'm accepted by them, but I am not ONE of them. And my being accepted by them does not put me in good stead with the girls who are STILL stand-offish and snooty. I don't really care about the girls- I don't like their two-faced, backstabbing , catty attitudes anyway. So- still the outsider.
Anyway, Ive also gained weight again!!! I feel so out of control of my life right now. I will lose a bit of weight- then gain it all back. Lose, then gain. Lose, then gain.....I have got to take control back. In EVERYTHING.
Some how-some way.
I need to just sit back, take a long look, re-evaluate, make a plan and DO it. Don't get sidetracked by anyone or anything.
The good news is- as long as I have my medallion my friend, Ash, sent me on, I seem calm. Actually, I AM calm. I feel the emotions boiling up- but that's as far as it goes. It's kind of like an out of body experience. I can see and feel whats going on inside me, but it's like a dream- it doesn't feel real, it doesn't HURT. Like I have shut off the emotion altho I know whats happening. I'm not explaining very well. All I know is that medallion is a lifesaver. Not just for me- but for everyone around me.
I know in my heart this is just a phase of my life I need to figure out. It will pass. I am strong. I can rise above it and I will come out on top.

I Am Goddess

 Elena xx