The Goddess Returns

I have returned to my domain.

It's been a whirlwind here in Valhalla. I've been ill, had tests done, had a hospital stay, had a dear sister-cousin pass away. It has been enough to make even the strongest Goddess question her life.

Let me explain.

In our lives, it's been said that our cousins are our first real friends. They are the ones we see and play with the most( other than our own siblings) and we learn and test our social skills on them before moving on to our neighbours and schoolmates.  It's true- and I had many many, many, cousins to practice on. My Goddess-mum came from a family with 18 siblings. Yes- you read that correctly- it was NOT a typo......18...EIGHTEEN.

My parents had a relatively small family of only 5 children. Only two of the other maternal siblings had less than my Mom and Daddy. One had two- one had 4. I ended up - last count about 15 years ago- with 167 cousins altogether.  yes- that is a lot of cousins. And we all loved each other very much.

Even so- you do have your special ones. The ones you really felt a connection with- the ones you knew you could tell all your secrets too and as long as it didn't involve getting THEM in hot water- they wouldn't tell- your secret was safe.

I had a few like that. Stacy, Missy,(sisters) ......Christopher Mark, Kathy, Tina(siblings), Daniel and Ricki(brother and sister).

The only ones older than me were Kathy and Daniel. And only by a year or two. I think I was a bit closer to Stacy and Missy, mainly because we got to see them a bit more often than the rest of the cousins. They were the ones that could make us laugh and always come up with a good game to play because they had as wonderful an imagination as we did.  As we grew older, our lives became more busy and as we got married and starting having our own families, we saw less and less of each other until it came a time when we only got to see each other at our annual family reunion. But oh how we looked forward to those reunions. We would hug and talk and joke and kid around and it was just like we were when we were little.

Stacy and Missy became really involved in their churches and my siblings and I grew more distant from ours. Stacy even became a minister. And Missy was always in church with her. They loved to sing and they sang to the glory of the Lord every chance they got.

Late last year, Missy was diagnosed with stage 4 Cancer. I didn't have a clue. I know she and Stacy both kind of disappeared from face book about that time but as I was all the way across the world, I didn't know why. I figured it was because it was around the holidays and as we all get busy around that time of year- and with them being so church involved, they were just really busy.

Then week before last I saw Missy had posted on FB. I was thrilled and couldn't wait to have a chat with her again. But it wasn't to be. I'm not sure who- but they had posted on her FB page that Missy had passed away the night before and that she wasn't in pain anymore but was walking the streets of Heaven with the Lord. She was a few years younger than me- about my middle sisters age.
It has broken my heart. I wish I had known she was sick. It just seems like the ONLY person I got to say a proper goodbye to before they passed was my daddy. Everyone else passes and I don't get to see them or say my goodbyes. My son, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Just here one day- gone the next.

It's made me realise my own mortality. Just like I did when my daddy passed...and when my youngest son left us less than two years after that.  You start thinking about what if your time is next.  You start thinking about all the things you haven't done that you want to do before your time on Earth is done. You start thinking about if you passed, would anyone know what things you would want your loved ones to have to remember you by... I'm trying to give all my siblings a few things to remember me by. Sending them things I know they would love to have and would make them think about me were I not with them anymore.

I do have a very few things I want to go to specific people in my life. Just a few trinkets here and there.... Everything else would go to my loving husband. He is my world and I am his and other than a few sentimental things all my worldly possessions are intertwined with him and our lives together.
I probably need to write these things down so it's known what goes to who.

Okay- so enough about death. I need to get on with living.

So- also- I have made a new friend at work. The poor little darling  is almost clueless. She can't cook, hates her in laws, and loves to talk. Even more than me- I rarely can get a word in edgewise. But she is so very sweet and a lot of fun to be around.

She has made me think about being a Goddess. Even more than I ususally do.

Even tho I am a Goddess- and I like things my way most of the time- it's not ALWAYS the BEST way.

Fellow Goddesses, I cannot stress enough that being a Goddess and having Goddess Attitude is NOT ALWAYS about getting your own way. Sometimes, you have to decide if making another person happy is more important to you or if getting your own way is more important.

You HAVE to choose your battles wisely.

Sometimes you have to indulge your mere mortals wishes. Just sit back, smile an indulgent little smile and let them have their way with no questions asked and No strings attached. Just allow them to have what THEIR heart desires. As long as it doesn't hurt your heart to allow them the happiness they are asking for- why shouldn't you? Besides, if you give in to their happiness on the things that REALLY don't mean that much to you- you will have more success in having things YOUR way when it really matters the most to YOU.  Happiness and contentment really is a two way street.

So what if you really don't eat pasta.....if your Mere Mortal loves it- learn to make it for HIS happiness.  If you don't like to go to Comicon- then book a spa day and tell him to go on his own or take a like minded friend with him in your place. BOTH of you will come home later that night(or weekend if it's a two day thing) and both of you will be happy and content and loving having had time to do what YOU want to do. You do NOT have to be joined at the hip all the time. You still have to have Me Time, as my lovely friend Betty Rage has said on MANY occasions!!!

It's most important to remember this one point:

 Who is a Goddess if she has no one to worship her?
Give them a reason to worship you. (And to fear your wrath.)


Much Love,

Elena xxx

Valykrie Warning

This Goddess is in full blown Valkyrie Warrior mode.

I have a sister-friend who is being taken advantage of by a so called mate and it's really starting...no- it really IS- pissing me off in the worst sort of way.

I'm not sure I can even write about it properly I'm so fucking furious about the entire situation.

I'm not going to put in names or details, but let's just say that if you are a mate- you do NOT use them as cover for cheating and being a skanky whore. If you don't want to be with someone- you leave them and THEN find someone else- you do not run around for months using people as "cover stories" for your trashy ass  bed hopping ways.

I think what's hurting me the most and making me almost- if not MORE- furious is the fact that my friend is acting like it's okay to be used that way. She smiles and acts like she's having a great time and then writes crap like "Had a fab time today- have to do it again soon!!" on her social media site.

Friends/mates/ buddies/pals/sisters do NOT treat each other with that kind of disrespectful disregard. You don't USE people who think they are your friends and keep trying to be ACTUAL friends. You do NOT take advantage and make them feel like second class citizens or worse- ignore them. Until the next time you need cover for an outing.

My friend is one of the loveliest, sweetest, most caring people I have ever known- generous to a fault- and more forgiving than she should ever be. She gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and tries to find the good in all people.
I'm more jaded. I've been stabbed in the back by my "mates" who , to the LETTER- treated me with the same disrespect and disregard as hers is doing now. If the mate is doing that to the person they are supposed to be in love with- don't you think its possible that at some time in the future she might decide that she has changed her mind and make a move on YOUR man with no qualms whatsoever? A cheater is a cheater- period. I don't trust a cheater....Never will. Just like the proverbial leopard, they don't change their spots.

I haven't been in a knock down drag out cat fight in so long I cant even remember, but I swear to fucking god- I'm read to lock, load, snatch some hair and beat some skank ass right now.

NOBODY treats MY Sister-Friend like that and gets by with it. Not On MY WATCH!!

Watch your back girlie... I know exactly who you are and I know some voodoo shit that will straighten your hair in all the wrong kinda ways.
 Mountain Witch... Goddess... Hell On Heels BITCH- Take your pick. I've got my eyes on you and you REALLY don't want to hurt my sister anymore than you already have.
It wouldn't be good for your soul.

You have been warned.

Whinging......and asking Forgiveness.

Well, today I'm going to be a bit of a crybaby and have a huge massive whinge.....and hope I don't upset anyone.- Mainly my bezzie.

Yesterday was an absolutely horrendous day for me. I came into the office with the remnants of the 4 day migraine still drilling holes in my head. So I get in, make myself a coffee and take more tablets for it.
As the morning wears on, more and more people come in and as they do, my irritation grows and grows and grows.

We have a copier that is noisy as hell sitting almost right beside my desk. The stupid repairman- last time he was in two weeks ago- left not only his screwdriver lying in the desk beside the copier- but TWO SCREWS too!....Now I don't know about y'all- but where I come from, extra parts being left over when you put something back together is NOT a good thing. And ever since then, the copier has sounded like a damn Mina bird every time each and every single sheet of paper has come thru it. Drives us to distraction. Like a faucet dripping constantly. This has to be some form of cruel and inhuman punishment and against  the law, right?

Next on the list is the girl that sits behind me. I think she's from Poland or Romania or somewhere and let me tell you- she beats the HELL out of her keyboard on her computer. OMG- seriously, She hits those keys like she is trying to kill Freddy Kruger with a shovel. Every single day I have to sit there and force myself  to not turn around and ask her is she mad at it or ask her what in the world did it do to her to deserve that kind of treatment?!!!

Now, also- speaking of LOUD, I have a loud talker who sits beside me.  I don't know if it's because he has hearing problems himself or if  he just wants/likes the attention but this guy talks at the decibel level of a chainsaw running at full speed.  It drives me to insanity. And the worst part is he repeats himself at least 4 times EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION he has on the phone. This is an open office plan too- so asking to be moved to another desk wont solve the problem. Neither will asking him to take it down a notch or two because he does- for about 2 minutes and then it's back to full volume again. And both he AND the office mate on the other side of my desk are space infringers. We each have the same size desks. But for some unknown reasons, they have to inch their papers/phones/ calculators onto MY desk space and get in my way of doing MY work. And they both also tend to have little mini meetings with their "people" and then their people drop THEIR stuff on my desk or worse- lean or sit in the corner of it. OMG- I cant stress how much THAT infuriates me!!! And yes- I have told them they need to move their asses when they do that. Disgusting.

And speaking of disgusting, The loud talker has a habit of making himself a cup o soup at 10:15 on the dot. I don't know what kind of soup it is but it makes me want to heave. I'm talking garbage bin bag after 2 weeks kind of smell. Nuff said about that.

We also have the giggling school-girls. Two of them sit over in the corner and chat back and forth and then howl in laughter...or have long drawn out giggle fests. I don't have a THING against having a bit of a chat and a giggle and making light - it makes the day go so much faster, but quietly.....other people quite possibly have work that needs to get done and find that sort of thing REALLY distracting!!

And then I went to do my printing- and even tho I went downstairs and got printer paper and filled the printers up when I first got there in the morning- the copier was empty.  |And as I was there there was two people walking up opening up the paper drawers to steal paper from it for scratch paper. I let them all have an earful. Lazy asses cant be bothered to go across the hall to get a notepad for their scratch paper- no they have to come steal copier paper out of the copier when we are low on it in the supply room anyway. There is NO excuse for it- at all.

Then just as I thought my day couldn't get any worse, I was texting with my bezzie and asked her was we still on for our outing on my birthday? I said if she couldn't it was okay, I just needed to know in case I needed to make alternate plans.....and I really actually thought that was the case. 
But I was kidding myself.
We went to the fashion show together a few months ago- the only real girl-time we have been able to spend together since she moved away. We had to cancel Thanksgiving dinner together because I had just come out of a week long stay in the hospital for an intestinal problem and I was on doctors orders to stay in and stay pretty much in bed to recuperate. That about killed me- not being able to do our Dinner because we had both planned for MONTHS. Well, we then decided to spend a girly day together on My Birthday end of this month., do some shopping, maybe have our nails done or hair- a lovely lunch somewhere nice- just me and my Bezzie.
And then she texted and said she couldn't get the day off from work.
I sat there at my desk and tears welled up in my eyes. I couldn't believe how disappointed I was. I tried to shake it off as just one of those things...but after a half hour of trying to hold it back- I went to the ladies and cried.
And then I cried some more. And then I cried again when I got home.
I know things happen to change plans....Of ALL people I certainly know that. But apparently, I was looking forward to it much more than I thought I was. I'm sorry- I know she will read this and I know she will prob feel bad and I don't want her to feel bad about it because it certainly isn't her fault.
On the other hand, I do want her to know that she really is my Bezzie and she always will be. I love spending time with her and the time we do get to spend together is even more precious to me now since we live so far apart. So forgive me, Li......I had to get it out of my system.

But now I have to buck up and  get back to it. It's the weekend- and I don't have think about the crap at the office.
And there certainly will be other Goddess Days for me and my Bezzie.

Patience is a Virtue....so I've heard.

On Plural Marriages and Goddessness

I've been watching My 4 Wives this evening as is my Sunday Evening Ritual. I LOVE that show. It truly fascinates me.

I'm not one of the women who could embrace that lifestyle- but there are parts of it that certainly sound appealing. The sister-wives, for example. I mean imagine having your sister wives to share the household duties with.....the cooking, the cleaning, the responsibilities of the kids......Having shoulders to lean on who understand what you are going thru from a woman point of view. I mean yes- that's what a husband should do- but can any man TRULY understand that you have PMS and you just cant face anything? No- he really cant.

On the other hand, if you don't like the sister wives it could be the worst manner of hell too. Never being able to trust your kids will be taken care of when they are with one of the other mothers.....
among other things.

I'm much to much of a Queen Bee to allow my man to be with another woman with my blessing. If my husband came in and seriously wanted to discuss having a plural marriage- I would pack my bags and walk out. I don't DO sharing. Certainly not in THAT area of my life. I believe in One Man, One Woman, One Marriage. I think spouses should put each other above all others- in all cases. I believe in spending your nights together- I believe in going out together(occasionally having a girls or guys night out) but under NO circumstances should either be out and about with someone of the opposite sex without the other unless the other is a blood relative. It's just what I believe.

3M doesn't believe in the no exceptions part of it- and I have to concede that there are a VERY FEW circumstances where it would be not objected to- but for the most part- it just isn't negotiable for me.

What's the wording in the wedding vows?....forsaking all others? I truly believe that with all my heart and soul.

And I believe I deserve it and refuse to accept anything less. Same goes for my husband. I don't do anything I wouldn't want him doing.

Sometimes you gotta fight for what you believe in.

2015

Well, I took a bt of a hiatus from blogging for a few weeks. Occasionally I have to do that or I get really bored and get writers block for months.

So- this past month I've been  working on getting a few pounds lost. Not that it's worked, but I've learned what DOESNT work.

So, now that I'm back on track with that. I'm going to be posting a bit more on here.

I've ordered a couple of new outfits....I feel like I need to get back into Goddess mode again. I'm pretty much healed as much as I'm going to be from my broken foot a year and a half ago- so I'm ready to start donning some heels again. I'll never be able to wear proper 4-5 inch stilettos again, but I think I can manage some 2.5-3 inchers quite easily if I'm extremely cautious.

So one of my Bezzies ....(I have two- a lifelong Goddess Sister who has been thru hell and back with me and quite literally SAVED MY LIFE- and a Goddess Sister I met just over a year ago who felt like my soul-sister the moment I looked into those gorgeous green eyes of hers. Hmmm..I just realized a funny thing. Both my Bezzies have the same color eyes but other than that they are absolute & total opposites)....anyway, I digress....so the Goddess Sister I'm speaking of now wears stilettos(5-6 inchers) practically EVERY...SINGLE....DAY. On the rare day she might go really casual and wear her cowboy boots and jeans, but usually she is dressed to the nines. She dresses for Success with a Capital S. She totally IS the astute glamourous business woman and you can tell it in a glance. Even when she dresses down she's STILL glamourous. No kidding- I always feels like I'm the country mouse when I'm around her. And that's perfectly fine. She makes me WANT to dress better. She wears makeup every single day. I think she dons the warpaint even when she's ill with the flu!!! How Glam is that?
Im glad she inspires me to work a bit harder at taking cake of myself.

Life is good.

The End Of 2014.....

Random facts about me to finish up the year....
1) I get songs stuck in my head and sing/whistle/hum them for days.....til the next annoying song replaces it.
2) I actually sing relatively well and a few people know it...but I deliberately sing well off key and horribly so no one ever asks me to do it in public.
3) I HATE public speaking and will do almost anything to get out of giving a speech of any kind.
4) I know at least 50 different ways to kill someone. Believe me when I say I WOULD SURVIVE a Zombie Apocolypse. Just call me Darylene.
5) I am extremely wary of trusting anyone.
6) I'm extrememly OCD about having thigs stacked neatly just so.
7) I love to drive REALLY fast.
8) I have an extremely addictive personality...about many things. With me it's usually a matter of all or nothing- there are no in-betweens.
9) I am vengeful- and I have patience in serving it up cold.
10) I am a Mountain Witch.

Happy New Year One and All!!!

Happy Christmas....

After a bout in the hospital and a long recovery- which is not quite over yet. I'm back.
And that's all I have to say about that.

Today I want to think about happy things.

Christmas has always been a wonderful time for me.
All bright lights and the scent of pine and cinnamon and citrus in the air.

Chocolates in the stockings, the bright look of happiness in the childrens eyes as they open their beautifully wrapped gifts piled under the tree.

The smell of new plastic/rubber  from the baby dolls Santa brought.  The squeals, the laughter.

The Mistletoe taped to the top of the doorframe or hung from the chandalier. The silly Christmas sweaters. The crackling fire. The Holiday movies- all the classics- It's a Wonderful Life, Christmas Vacation, Christmas Story, White Chrsitmas, Elf, Miracle on 34th Street, Home Alone, Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, A Christmas Carol, Scrooged...the list goes on and on.

Eggnog in the fridge, Christmas cake on the kitchen counter, Fruit and nuts in a bowl on the buffet table, Wine chilling in the fridge or on the counter next to the Christmas cake. The Christmas Snow Village twinkling and glowing on the entrance table.

The tinsel and shinging ornaments on the tree.......sparkling from the window for all that go by to see. Some of the ornaments full of sentiment from Christmases gone by....some bright and shiny and new- ready to soak up the Christmas spirit and making themselves special to someone as time goes on. The hugs, the kisses, the smell of snow in the air.

Christmas carols....does anyone go Caroling anymore? I used to go when I was young and went to church regularly and it was lovely going house to house seeing the smiles at peoples houses as they heard us and looked out their windows and then came to the door.
Sadly, they never had any figgy pudding, tho.

Reading the "Twas The Night before Christmas" on Christmas Eve.....and the production of putting  out the plate of nibbles and cuppa hot chocolate or glass of milk for Santa and a bag of carrots for the reindeer before racing off to our beds.

The excitement of waking at 4AM and trying to sneak into the living room to see if Santa had been or if you had to go back to bed because he hadnt quite made it to your house yet.
The glow of the Christmas lights from the tree as you peeked carefully around the corner of the door and saw indeed- SANTA HAD BEEN!!!! The squeals of happiness and running to your parents room to wake them and tell them the joyous news of Santas arrival and hoping that they would get up and not make you wait until the sun actually came up to see what was in all those bright shiny packages so gayly wrapped under the tree!

Grabbing the stockings and eating chocolates and nuts and fruit for breakfast...the one day of the year when our parents indulged us by letting us eat total rubbish for Breakfast of we wanted. (I think it was because they had been up all night putting toys together and wrapping gifts for under th tree and probably hadnt benn in bed a half hour when WE woke up and saw Santa had come and come to get them to open said gifts from "Santa" and were so exhausted they didnt care what we ate that one meal of the year.)

And you need to remember the good times. Every Precious memory you can. Bring it home. Write it down. Make memories. Do things you have never done. Try things your loved ones want you to try- just to make them happy- and make memories for them. be silly. Be happy. Be Loved. Because at some point- yall will be glad you have all those lovely memories to look back on.
I know I am.

Happy Christmas to All....and to All a Good Night!!!