Random facts about me to finish up the year....
1) I get songs stuck in my head and sing/whistle/hum them for days.....til the next annoying song replaces it.
2) I actually sing relatively well and a few people know it...but I deliberately sing well off key and horribly so no one ever asks me to do it in public.
3) I HATE public speaking and will do almost anything to get out of giving a speech of any kind.
4) I know at least 50 different ways to kill someone. Believe me when I say I WOULD SURVIVE a Zombie Apocolypse. Just call me Darylene.
5) I am extremely wary of trusting anyone.
6) I'm extrememly OCD about having thigs stacked neatly just so.
7) I love to drive REALLY fast.
8) I have an extremely addictive personality...about many things. With me it's usually a matter of all or nothing- there are no in-betweens.
9) I am vengeful- and I have patience in serving it up cold.
10) I am a Mountain Witch.
Happy New Year One and All!!!
Wednesday, 31 December 2014
Saturday, 20 December 2014
Happy Christmas....
After a bout in the hospital and a long recovery- which is not quite over yet. I'm back.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Today I want to think about happy things.
Christmas has always been a wonderful time for me.
All bright lights and the scent of pine and cinnamon and citrus in the air.
Chocolates in the stockings, the bright look of happiness in the childrens eyes as they open their beautifully wrapped gifts piled under the tree.
The smell of new plastic/rubber from the baby dolls Santa brought. The squeals, the laughter.
The Mistletoe taped to the top of the doorframe or hung from the chandalier. The silly Christmas sweaters. The crackling fire. The Holiday movies- all the classics- It's a Wonderful Life, Christmas Vacation, Christmas Story, White Chrsitmas, Elf, Miracle on 34th Street, Home Alone, Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, A Christmas Carol, Scrooged...the list goes on and on.
Eggnog in the fridge, Christmas cake on the kitchen counter, Fruit and nuts in a bowl on the buffet table, Wine chilling in the fridge or on the counter next to the Christmas cake. The Christmas Snow Village twinkling and glowing on the entrance table.
The tinsel and shinging ornaments on the tree.......sparkling from the window for all that go by to see. Some of the ornaments full of sentiment from Christmases gone by....some bright and shiny and new- ready to soak up the Christmas spirit and making themselves special to someone as time goes on. The hugs, the kisses, the smell of snow in the air.
Christmas carols....does anyone go Caroling anymore? I used to go when I was young and went to church regularly and it was lovely going house to house seeing the smiles at peoples houses as they heard us and looked out their windows and then came to the door.
Sadly, they never had any figgy pudding, tho.
Reading the "Twas The Night before Christmas" on Christmas Eve.....and the production of putting out the plate of nibbles and cuppa hot chocolate or glass of milk for Santa and a bag of carrots for the reindeer before racing off to our beds.
The excitement of waking at 4AM and trying to sneak into the living room to see if Santa had been or if you had to go back to bed because he hadnt quite made it to your house yet.
The glow of the Christmas lights from the tree as you peeked carefully around the corner of the door and saw indeed- SANTA HAD BEEN!!!! The squeals of happiness and running to your parents room to wake them and tell them the joyous news of Santas arrival and hoping that they would get up and not make you wait until the sun actually came up to see what was in all those bright shiny packages so gayly wrapped under the tree!
Grabbing the stockings and eating chocolates and nuts and fruit for breakfast...the one day of the year when our parents indulged us by letting us eat total rubbish for Breakfast of we wanted. (I think it was because they had been up all night putting toys together and wrapping gifts for under th tree and probably hadnt benn in bed a half hour when WE woke up and saw Santa had come and come to get them to open said gifts from "Santa" and were so exhausted they didnt care what we ate that one meal of the year.)
And you need to remember the good times. Every Precious memory you can. Bring it home. Write it down. Make memories. Do things you have never done. Try things your loved ones want you to try- just to make them happy- and make memories for them. be silly. Be happy. Be Loved. Because at some point- yall will be glad you have all those lovely memories to look back on.
I know I am.
Happy Christmas to All....and to All a Good Night!!!
And that's all I have to say about that.
Today I want to think about happy things.
Christmas has always been a wonderful time for me.
All bright lights and the scent of pine and cinnamon and citrus in the air.
Chocolates in the stockings, the bright look of happiness in the childrens eyes as they open their beautifully wrapped gifts piled under the tree.
The smell of new plastic/rubber from the baby dolls Santa brought. The squeals, the laughter.
The Mistletoe taped to the top of the doorframe or hung from the chandalier. The silly Christmas sweaters. The crackling fire. The Holiday movies- all the classics- It's a Wonderful Life, Christmas Vacation, Christmas Story, White Chrsitmas, Elf, Miracle on 34th Street, Home Alone, Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, A Christmas Carol, Scrooged...the list goes on and on.
Eggnog in the fridge, Christmas cake on the kitchen counter, Fruit and nuts in a bowl on the buffet table, Wine chilling in the fridge or on the counter next to the Christmas cake. The Christmas Snow Village twinkling and glowing on the entrance table.
The tinsel and shinging ornaments on the tree.......sparkling from the window for all that go by to see. Some of the ornaments full of sentiment from Christmases gone by....some bright and shiny and new- ready to soak up the Christmas spirit and making themselves special to someone as time goes on. The hugs, the kisses, the smell of snow in the air.
Christmas carols....does anyone go Caroling anymore? I used to go when I was young and went to church regularly and it was lovely going house to house seeing the smiles at peoples houses as they heard us and looked out their windows and then came to the door.
Sadly, they never had any figgy pudding, tho.
Reading the "Twas The Night before Christmas" on Christmas Eve.....and the production of putting out the plate of nibbles and cuppa hot chocolate or glass of milk for Santa and a bag of carrots for the reindeer before racing off to our beds.
The excitement of waking at 4AM and trying to sneak into the living room to see if Santa had been or if you had to go back to bed because he hadnt quite made it to your house yet.
The glow of the Christmas lights from the tree as you peeked carefully around the corner of the door and saw indeed- SANTA HAD BEEN!!!! The squeals of happiness and running to your parents room to wake them and tell them the joyous news of Santas arrival and hoping that they would get up and not make you wait until the sun actually came up to see what was in all those bright shiny packages so gayly wrapped under the tree!
Grabbing the stockings and eating chocolates and nuts and fruit for breakfast...the one day of the year when our parents indulged us by letting us eat total rubbish for Breakfast of we wanted. (I think it was because they had been up all night putting toys together and wrapping gifts for under th tree and probably hadnt benn in bed a half hour when WE woke up and saw Santa had come and come to get them to open said gifts from "Santa" and were so exhausted they didnt care what we ate that one meal of the year.)
And you need to remember the good times. Every Precious memory you can. Bring it home. Write it down. Make memories. Do things you have never done. Try things your loved ones want you to try- just to make them happy- and make memories for them. be silly. Be happy. Be Loved. Because at some point- yall will be glad you have all those lovely memories to look back on.
I know I am.
Happy Christmas to All....and to All a Good Night!!!
Wednesday, 8 October 2014
Dating After You're Married.
It seems to me that the past few weeks almost every female I know has been talking about date nights.
And they all have different ideas about what the perfect date night is.
One Goddess I know is planning on reconstructing her and her MM's very first date. That's just lovely. Drinks at the pub......then whisking themselves off to the restaurant they went to afterwards. If I remember correctly he took her to his office afterwards and uploaded some ram while he showed her where he ran his business. (I hope I'm not betraying a confidence but she did write about it on her blog so fair play(I hope)...)
Then there is another young lady who is making up date night KITS. 12 of them- one for each month of the year- for her and her boyfriend to use. She is putting all kinds of thought and time into those things. They are a long term couple and I certainly hope some day he pops the question to her.
Then there are couples like me and 3M. We don't really call it a date night- but we have our rituals and I love them. Every weekend...Let's start with Saturdays, I sleep in. 8:30AM is about 3 and a half hours longer than I sleep during the weekdays. Then I get up and tidy the house. Do some laundry, dust, wipe the counters down, ...everything but hoover- which I do when he gets up around 11 or noon while he's getting dressed.
Then we usually go for a drive to his hometown some 40 miles or so away. We park the car, then walk into town and have a browse. There's usually a festival or carnival of some sort going on in the town square and we sometimes take our cameras with us to do some street photography. If we haven't brought our good gear- we will take photos on our phones. Or sometimes we just enjoy it without the fuss of worrying about lighting or angles or subjects. There's usually some street musicians or performers, too. I like most of them.....a couple of them, not so much. And as we're walking along, 3M always reaches over and slips my hand into his.
It's always fun to see what's afoot on the weekends tho. I think my personal favorite is the Fall Festival......all sorts of foods- and crafts, and just loads of colourful characters.
I digress....
After a while walking around- we have lunch. Sometimes it's at one of the lovely Pubs.....sometimes it's at our favorite street vendor(Massive Bangers...best sausage dogs in the WORLD), sometimes it's McD's or BK or Subway.....and sometimes it's at the more upscale Chinese Buffet or the Italian place...or our favourite cafe.
After that- we stop by his parents for a short visit- the we stop to get our weekly food shop done and then we head home.
He plays a game for an hour or so while I put away the groceries and finish whatever things I need to finish up...then we sit down to watch Dr Who together. After that- we sometimes watch a movie- sometimes we play games on our computers or sometimes we read and as before- we hold hands off and on. I'll make him tea.....he makes me coffee.
Our Sundays consist of a lot of just being together time. Sometimes we have a movie marathon...sometimes we just read and snuggle...... & instead of a roast dinner, my sweet 3M suggested that instead of me spending hours in the kitchen doing a Sunday Roast- we do a Sunday Steak Dinner. We buy a couple of nice thick, juicy steaks on Saturdays, have some kind of potato and gravy with it along with Dinner rolls or croissants on Sundays. Add a cuppa and some sweet treat later on that night while we're watching a movie together- again- and I'd pretty much call that a Date WEEKEND.
Sometimes we do go for walks to the park...or into town....or by the river-or out for a night at the pub with a few friends- for a change. But it's a regular thing. We take care of each other- and regardless of whether or not we have sex every night, it's all very special and intimate to us.
I look at it like this- you know your relationship. You know what turns you on- and what makes things special for you and your MM......so you do whatever it is you need to do to keep things precious between you.
That's what love is.
And they all have different ideas about what the perfect date night is.
One Goddess I know is planning on reconstructing her and her MM's very first date. That's just lovely. Drinks at the pub......then whisking themselves off to the restaurant they went to afterwards. If I remember correctly he took her to his office afterwards and uploaded some ram while he showed her where he ran his business. (I hope I'm not betraying a confidence but she did write about it on her blog so fair play(I hope)...)
Then there is another young lady who is making up date night KITS. 12 of them- one for each month of the year- for her and her boyfriend to use. She is putting all kinds of thought and time into those things. They are a long term couple and I certainly hope some day he pops the question to her.
Then there are couples like me and 3M. We don't really call it a date night- but we have our rituals and I love them. Every weekend...Let's start with Saturdays, I sleep in. 8:30AM is about 3 and a half hours longer than I sleep during the weekdays. Then I get up and tidy the house. Do some laundry, dust, wipe the counters down, ...everything but hoover- which I do when he gets up around 11 or noon while he's getting dressed.
Then we usually go for a drive to his hometown some 40 miles or so away. We park the car, then walk into town and have a browse. There's usually a festival or carnival of some sort going on in the town square and we sometimes take our cameras with us to do some street photography. If we haven't brought our good gear- we will take photos on our phones. Or sometimes we just enjoy it without the fuss of worrying about lighting or angles or subjects. There's usually some street musicians or performers, too. I like most of them.....a couple of them, not so much. And as we're walking along, 3M always reaches over and slips my hand into his.
It's always fun to see what's afoot on the weekends tho. I think my personal favorite is the Fall Festival......all sorts of foods- and crafts, and just loads of colourful characters.
I digress....
After a while walking around- we have lunch. Sometimes it's at one of the lovely Pubs.....sometimes it's at our favorite street vendor(Massive Bangers...best sausage dogs in the WORLD), sometimes it's McD's or BK or Subway.....and sometimes it's at the more upscale Chinese Buffet or the Italian place...or our favourite cafe.
After that- we stop by his parents for a short visit- the we stop to get our weekly food shop done and then we head home.
He plays a game for an hour or so while I put away the groceries and finish whatever things I need to finish up...then we sit down to watch Dr Who together. After that- we sometimes watch a movie- sometimes we play games on our computers or sometimes we read and as before- we hold hands off and on. I'll make him tea.....he makes me coffee.
Our Sundays consist of a lot of just being together time. Sometimes we have a movie marathon...sometimes we just read and snuggle...... & instead of a roast dinner, my sweet 3M suggested that instead of me spending hours in the kitchen doing a Sunday Roast- we do a Sunday Steak Dinner. We buy a couple of nice thick, juicy steaks on Saturdays, have some kind of potato and gravy with it along with Dinner rolls or croissants on Sundays. Add a cuppa and some sweet treat later on that night while we're watching a movie together- again- and I'd pretty much call that a Date WEEKEND.
Sometimes we do go for walks to the park...or into town....or by the river-or out for a night at the pub with a few friends- for a change. But it's a regular thing. We take care of each other- and regardless of whether or not we have sex every night, it's all very special and intimate to us.
I look at it like this- you know your relationship. You know what turns you on- and what makes things special for you and your MM......so you do whatever it is you need to do to keep things precious between you.
That's what love is.
Sunday, 21 September 2014
Choosing Battles & Knowing When to Call It Quits.
Sometimes, in the grand scheme of things, you have to know when to call it quits.
I've learned over the years of being with 3M that it's best to just let it go sometimes. There are a lot of things I wish were different- that I wish he would do, but I have chosen to just not bother with the bother of it all.
I've learned that his tolerance for clutter is a tiny bit higher than mine. It used to be his job to hoover every weekend. But after he hoovers I dusted. Now I get up earlier than him- about three hours usually, so I like to get my housework done and out of the way before he gets up- so we can have more together time. So I usually just hoover myself so I can go ahead and dust and everything is done when he gets up.
Then there's the laundry. I feel like I'm always doing laundry on the weekends. It's my biggest chore because it takes so long. I usually do three loads on the weekends... No- four. Darks, colours, whites- and the bed linens and towels. 3M offered to take over the chore if I would sort them. So I happily agreed. So, I got up the following weekend, got it all sorted into the loads and waited. A couple of hours after he got up- and we went to get grocery shopping done and then had a cup of tea, he put the first load in the washer.......and then I had to go show him the settings for the washer. Okay- no problem. And then two hours later, I had to put the clothes in the dryer. And then I loaded up the washer with load two after the first load was finished drying because we cant run the washer AND the dryer at the same time without blowing a fuse. And then I took them out of the dryer- and folded them- and put the away.
So basically his idea of doing the laundry is putting them in the washer and adding laundry detergent and fabric softener and turning the machine on.
Hmmmmm.....
Okay, so this has went on a few weeks now. I cant wait all day to get the laundry done- and some of it has to be taken out of the dryer and hung up immediately after the dryer stops to keep it from wrinkling and me having to iron it- a chore I absolutely DESPISE!!!!!!
So I'm officially calling it quits.
I'm not nagging anymore- or suggesting, or asking. I'm just doing it myself because the stress of the waiting- and not knowing of things are going to get done or not is driving me insane.
I look at it like this- if I was single I would be taking the trash out to the bins myself, and I would be doing the hoovering and dusting and laundry myself, and the cooking and the dishes and all the hundreds of other little things I do or stress about him doing- or rather not doing, so why torture myself? Just act as tho I'm single, and be thankful I have my love by my side when we go to bed at night and to hold me and kiss away my fears when I wake at night crying from some bad dream or other and all the other things he DOES do for me on a daily basis.
I love him- and that should be enough.
I've learned over the years of being with 3M that it's best to just let it go sometimes. There are a lot of things I wish were different- that I wish he would do, but I have chosen to just not bother with the bother of it all.
I've learned that his tolerance for clutter is a tiny bit higher than mine. It used to be his job to hoover every weekend. But after he hoovers I dusted. Now I get up earlier than him- about three hours usually, so I like to get my housework done and out of the way before he gets up- so we can have more together time. So I usually just hoover myself so I can go ahead and dust and everything is done when he gets up.
Then there's the laundry. I feel like I'm always doing laundry on the weekends. It's my biggest chore because it takes so long. I usually do three loads on the weekends... No- four. Darks, colours, whites- and the bed linens and towels. 3M offered to take over the chore if I would sort them. So I happily agreed. So, I got up the following weekend, got it all sorted into the loads and waited. A couple of hours after he got up- and we went to get grocery shopping done and then had a cup of tea, he put the first load in the washer.......and then I had to go show him the settings for the washer. Okay- no problem. And then two hours later, I had to put the clothes in the dryer. And then I loaded up the washer with load two after the first load was finished drying because we cant run the washer AND the dryer at the same time without blowing a fuse. And then I took them out of the dryer- and folded them- and put the away.
So basically his idea of doing the laundry is putting them in the washer and adding laundry detergent and fabric softener and turning the machine on.
Hmmmmm.....
Okay, so this has went on a few weeks now. I cant wait all day to get the laundry done- and some of it has to be taken out of the dryer and hung up immediately after the dryer stops to keep it from wrinkling and me having to iron it- a chore I absolutely DESPISE!!!!!!
So I'm officially calling it quits.
I'm not nagging anymore- or suggesting, or asking. I'm just doing it myself because the stress of the waiting- and not knowing of things are going to get done or not is driving me insane.
I look at it like this- if I was single I would be taking the trash out to the bins myself, and I would be doing the hoovering and dusting and laundry myself, and the cooking and the dishes and all the hundreds of other little things I do or stress about him doing- or rather not doing, so why torture myself? Just act as tho I'm single, and be thankful I have my love by my side when we go to bed at night and to hold me and kiss away my fears when I wake at night crying from some bad dream or other and all the other things he DOES do for me on a daily basis.
I love him- and that should be enough.
Monday, 15 September 2014
Amazing Weekend!!!!
What an amazing weekend!!
As you know- My and my bezzie went to The North West Fashion Festival 2014 on Sunday.
By sheer stroke of luck I found out Ms. Betty Rage and HER bezzie, Suzanne, was also attending. We contacted each other and decided we would meet up once we got there.
Well, Sissy and I got there and , of course, (as always at these events) there was a bit of a delay in entrance. Seems one of the marquees needed adjusting and the sound system as well. But once they got them handled, it was on. As Sissy and I stood in the queue waiting, I was gazing around wondering if I would recognise Betty. There were hundreds of people there and as I looked around, none of them stood out as anyone I would recognise from reading her blog. Slowly we inched our way to the front of the line where we showed our VIP Tickets and were allowed entrance to the fashion event of the season!!(So FAR, anyway.) Well we got our VIP wristbands and told to just ask when we were ready to go to the VIP Tent. I looked at Sissy and we decided to take our champagne and wait a bit to see the people walk the red carpet as the other VIPs and Celebs entered. Minutes went by and all the pretty people just kept on coming. Tan people- pasty people, people dressed in the most outrageous outfits you can imagine.
And then- as we looked up the runway of red carpet- there she was. There was no doubt in my mind that the lovely woman stepping onto the red carpet was THE ONE & ONLY Miss BETTY RAGE.
She stood there for a few seconds gazing around as if she OWNED the place -and then -she tilted her flame coloured head of hair upwards, smiled that Mega Watt smile with the Hot Red Lippy and didn't just walk down that Red Carpet- she STRUTTED in 6 inch Leopard-print Heels! She was wearing a Black one piece jumpsuit with a black peplum jacket over it. She was rocking some Fierce red talons too with a huge Gold and Black scarab ring and a dozen Black and gold bangle bracelets in different widths.
My jaw hit the ground, people. This woman was one HAWT Rockin' Chick!!
Confidence out the ass- and with justification- She is One of a Kind!!!!
As she took her glass of champagne and glanced around- I made my way over to her. I said,
"Betty? It's Lovely to finally get to meet you. I'm Elena."
She smiled at me as I extended my hand to shake hers, and laughed. She handed her champagne flute to her friend and brushed aside my hand as she said, " Handshakes, Elena? Seriously?" And then she gave me a big fierce hug and a kiss on the cheek!
This woman is as wide open and wild as the Montana Wilderness. I absolutely adore her!!!
I'll tell you more about the fashion show later. But for now- this is all you get.
As you know- My and my bezzie went to The North West Fashion Festival 2014 on Sunday.
By sheer stroke of luck I found out Ms. Betty Rage and HER bezzie, Suzanne, was also attending. We contacted each other and decided we would meet up once we got there.
Well, Sissy and I got there and , of course, (as always at these events) there was a bit of a delay in entrance. Seems one of the marquees needed adjusting and the sound system as well. But once they got them handled, it was on. As Sissy and I stood in the queue waiting, I was gazing around wondering if I would recognise Betty. There were hundreds of people there and as I looked around, none of them stood out as anyone I would recognise from reading her blog. Slowly we inched our way to the front of the line where we showed our VIP Tickets and were allowed entrance to the fashion event of the season!!(So FAR, anyway.) Well we got our VIP wristbands and told to just ask when we were ready to go to the VIP Tent. I looked at Sissy and we decided to take our champagne and wait a bit to see the people walk the red carpet as the other VIPs and Celebs entered. Minutes went by and all the pretty people just kept on coming. Tan people- pasty people, people dressed in the most outrageous outfits you can imagine.
And then- as we looked up the runway of red carpet- there she was. There was no doubt in my mind that the lovely woman stepping onto the red carpet was THE ONE & ONLY Miss BETTY RAGE.
She stood there for a few seconds gazing around as if she OWNED the place -and then -she tilted her flame coloured head of hair upwards, smiled that Mega Watt smile with the Hot Red Lippy and didn't just walk down that Red Carpet- she STRUTTED in 6 inch Leopard-print Heels! She was wearing a Black one piece jumpsuit with a black peplum jacket over it. She was rocking some Fierce red talons too with a huge Gold and Black scarab ring and a dozen Black and gold bangle bracelets in different widths.
My jaw hit the ground, people. This woman was one HAWT Rockin' Chick!!
Confidence out the ass- and with justification- She is One of a Kind!!!!
As she took her glass of champagne and glanced around- I made my way over to her. I said,
"Betty? It's Lovely to finally get to meet you. I'm Elena."
She smiled at me as I extended my hand to shake hers, and laughed. She handed her champagne flute to her friend and brushed aside my hand as she said, " Handshakes, Elena? Seriously?" And then she gave me a big fierce hug and a kiss on the cheek!
This woman is as wide open and wild as the Montana Wilderness. I absolutely adore her!!!
I'll tell you more about the fashion show later. But for now- this is all you get.
I met Betty RAGE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, 3 September 2014
Red Letter Day
Well,
I'm very happy to announce that Betty Rage and I are finally getting to meet face to face!!
As you know, I read her blog religiously and love how outgoing and straightforward she is about her life. So when I read she was going to the Liverpool Fashion Event later this month, I contacted her because I am going to be at that very SAME event with MY Best Friend as well!!
We're going to meet and I finally get to see the One and Only, Fabulous BETTY RAGE!!!!! I'll let you know what she's like, I'm sure!!!!!
It's the first time I'm going to this event but I've heard a LOT of good things about it. I think even some celerbities are going to make an appearance. Very interesting stuff to me. I used to model in my late teens back home and know how crazy things get backstage and behind the scenes, but have never actually been to a fashion show and seen it from the audience standpoint!! I'm really, really excited!!!
There's not much else going on to report in my week so far. That's subject to change at any moment tho, so stay tuned. If it does- you will be the top of the list to hear about it.
Elena xxx
I'm very happy to announce that Betty Rage and I are finally getting to meet face to face!!
As you know, I read her blog religiously and love how outgoing and straightforward she is about her life. So when I read she was going to the Liverpool Fashion Event later this month, I contacted her because I am going to be at that very SAME event with MY Best Friend as well!!
We're going to meet and I finally get to see the One and Only, Fabulous BETTY RAGE!!!!! I'll let you know what she's like, I'm sure!!!!!
It's the first time I'm going to this event but I've heard a LOT of good things about it. I think even some celerbities are going to make an appearance. Very interesting stuff to me. I used to model in my late teens back home and know how crazy things get backstage and behind the scenes, but have never actually been to a fashion show and seen it from the audience standpoint!! I'm really, really excited!!!
There's not much else going on to report in my week so far. That's subject to change at any moment tho, so stay tuned. If it does- you will be the top of the list to hear about it.
Elena xxx
Tuesday, 26 August 2014
A Very Hard Day....
Sharing a very personal part of my life with you all from August 2007. I dont feel like a Goddess today. Please say a prayer.
Elena xxx
********************************************************
Clayton was on his way home from work Sunday Morning about 1 am and swerved to avoid a deer ,as far as we can figure out. Clay loved to drive fast anyway, but this was on a straightaway in the road and he didn't just lose control unless it was either to avoid an animal or because there was a mechanical malfunction.
He swerved, went off a 6 foot drop on the other side of the road, bounced across the driveway, and his front end caught on a barbed-wire fence which made the back end flip over and the car end-over-ended about 50 yards. Clay was catapulted out the back window another 150 feet further on into the field.
He was killed instantaneously, either in the car when it was flipping or when he hit the field.
I was awake on the computer when we got a knock on the door....at 2:30am...never good news.
My DIL Kathy was standing at the door with a pillow- I thought... their air-conditioning has messed up and they wanna stay the night...or the kitchen caught on fire or something.
I smiled and asked her to come in.....and then I noticed it wasn't Clay in the car following her, but her mom. My heart dropped. I asked where Clay was- what was wrong?
Kathy's mom answered that Clay had been in an auto accident that morning about 1AM. I said OMG- What -where is he- meaning what HOSPITAL he was in........and she replied crying that he didn't make it.
I went to the floor on my knees screaming NO_NO_NO....NOT MY BABY.....It's NOT TRUE- It's JUST A DREAM........and it went on for about 20 minutes.
Paul held me while I was screaming hysterically and sent Kathy and her mom to the living room to sit while he dealt with me.
Kathy was in shock and couldn't deal with telling anyone else- the announcement was going to be on the tv news at 6-in less than 2 hours, so I told her Paulius and I would notify everyone else- she could go home and rest because the next few days were going to be tough ones and she had to think about the baby and her health.
First we went and told my eldest son- then we all rode the hours drive to my daughters home to give her the news. They were expecting something about their grandmother- not even a clue it was about their baby brother.
The mortuary worked for an entire day to "fix" him so we might be able to have an open casket ceremony. He was horribly swollen on the left side of his face and neck- his skull was crushed and his right side was terribly bruised, make-up camouflaged it somewhat, but you could still see the damage pretty badly. It hardly looked like my baby boy.
Kathy was a trooper- she knew where all the policies were- how much she had to spend on a funeral, what music to play, what flowers she/he wanted....everything. My mom donated the actual plot nearest my daddy's so they could be together....Clayton was his namesake.
Okay, so the arrangements made, we had to wait two days to see him. It broke my heart.
we had to make them un-tuck his shirt and we re-arranged it so it looked like Clay...then we unbuttoned hid shirt a couple buttons.
When we were finally happy with the look about 50 people had shown up- mostly family who live in the area and happened by. So there was an unexpected mini-viewing.
After that we went home.
Next day was the planned viewing......literally HUNDREDS of people showed up for his visitation. The child/man touched so many lives. I don't think he had an enemy in the world.My friend Terry was there- and helped Paulius with me when I had the first of my panic attacks. I saw people who I hadn't seen for years.
There were two rooms FULL of flower arrangements sent.
Let me take a moment to thank everyone who sent either an arrangement or a card.They were all lovely and I know he would have loved then too.
Now before I go on- I want to tell you about another thing that happened....I couldn't sleep, so I got up about 4am the day of the viewing and went to the bedroom straightening up. Well, I found a Mothers day card from Clayton and Kathy and I read it and sat on the bed and cried and cried.When I went to put the card back in the envelope, I was crying about why couldn't' I find my engagement ring and the first piece of jewelry the boys had pooled their money and bought be....a gold charm that say I love you Mom. I had looked for the past two years for that jewelry, and Paul did as well.
Well, the bottom dresser was open about an inch, so I went to push it shut, and heard a clink.That dresser has been empty for over a year.
So I opened it up and there in the top of a cookie tin, was the ring AND the charm.
So of course I was over-joyed.
So after finishing cleaning the bedroom I turned on the computer. I looked thru the recent documents and was just so overwhelmed that Paulius had left me two of the sweetest poems to easy my grief.
One was this one-
-=- REMEMBER ME -=-Could I have only stayed;
We would be going on in life,
With all the plans we made.
Now all the hopes and dreams we shared,
Are but sweet memories;
For you to tuck inside your heart,
Now when you remember me.
Remember all the good times,
Remember how you touched my life,
And how I really cared.
Think back on all the laughter,
And wipe away your tears;
You still have many miles to go,
And still have many years.
Don't look back....look forward,
And as you travel on in life,
You'll take a bit of my heart.
I never meant to leave you,
But still you'll not be alone;
For as long as my love lives in you,
I'll never really be gone.
The other was this one...
He Only Took My Hand
(author unknown)
Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear
I opened my eyes and looked around,
But he did not appear.
He said:"Mom you've got to listen,
You've got to understand
God didn't take me from you, mom
He only took my hand.
When I called out in pain that night,
The instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to His side.
He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain.
My body was hurt so badly inside,
I could never be the same.
My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.
I love you all and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die!
And so, you must all go on now,
Live one day at a time.
Just understand-
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand.
My son's voice I did hear
I opened my eyes and looked around,
But he did not appear.
He said:"Mom you've got to listen,
You've got to understand
God didn't take me from you, mom
He only took my hand.
When I called out in pain that night,
The instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to His side.
He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain.
My body was hurt so badly inside,
I could never be the same.
My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.
I love you all and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die!
And so, you must all go on now,
Live one day at a time.
Just understand-
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand.
Paulius didn't put them on our computer.
I think my baby boy was trying to send me and his grieving family a message.
I think my baby boy was trying to send me and his grieving family a message.
Now for the Funeral today.My cousin Stacy did it and did a WONDERFUL job of it. I thank her from the bottom of my heart. It shows the depth of love my family has for one of them to do that. I will be eternally grateful.
The family car picked us up and all the way up we were talking about some of the stuff Clay used to pull on everyone.
When we got to the Mortuary, we were in a calm mood. Kathy went in first and has a few moments with him alone. Then me and his side of the family got to go in. I went first. I pulled back the veil they had draped over the casket and rubbed his head. His hair had been buzzed the morning he left for work so it was about the same length as when he was born. I rubbed his hair/head and leaned in to talk with him for a while. I told him I know he didn't leave us by choice, and I thanked him for the poems and for the missing jewelry. I told him I love him with all my heart and I would gladly give my life a thousand times over for one last hug and kiss and to hear his sweet voice call me sweetie one last time, or if he could just be back with his family again.
So then I pulled back the veil and kissed his forehead and as I was rubbing his head, I sang Amazing Grace to him like I used to do when he was a baby and he was taking his nap. It was the only way he would go to sleep and sleep peacefully.. I then kissed his head and forehead about a dozen more times, told Him I would always love him and he would always be in my heart and thoughts, and told him sweet dreams before kissing his head and cheek one final time.
God knows It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do to walk away from him knowing I would never see his sweet face again for the rest of my life.
I don't think I could have dealt with it had I not taken a double dose of the sedatives before arriving there.
The casket went to to chapel, we followed. Kathy, her mom, Me, My daughter Julie, and my sister were front row.
Julie kept looking back at her bio-dad and I knew she wanted him up there with her. So I asked my sis to get him to come sit beside Julie. I wanted to be with my husband anyway. I told Julies Fiance to come up and be with Julie and I completely broke Southern Funeral Protocol by leaving the family pew and squeezing in between my oldest son and my husband in the Pall-bearers pew. You should have heard the gasps or surprise.
I didn't care. I needed my husband and my son needed me as well.
Anyway, There was a sermon, a couple prayers, and the songs in between were: Amazing Grace-sang by a friend of the family who has the voice of an angel. Then came, Jesus Take the Wheel, and then a song I didn't recognize but was one of Clays faves. Then there was a memorial where anyone who wanted could come up and say a few words about Clayton. I was so proud of my family.
First ,Clays mom in law came up and said a few words. Then My eldest son Frank did. Then Paulius did. Then my Daughter. Then my sister came up and read the "He Only Took My Hand" poem in my stead.
There was another prayer and then as they took his casket down the aisle, They played my requested song- In The Arms of The Angels by Sara McLaughlin.
We filed out and were driven to the cemetery. After a short service we were told it was time to return to the family car. And Kathy refused to go.
She was adamant to stay until he was actually buried in case he was still alive.
We ALL lost it then and we had to talk a half hour to convince her it would NOT be a healthy thing to do. We reminded her that she had to think about the baby and we promised as soon as the burial was finished she could come back- and the boys all stayed there to make sure he was buried properly and that he wasn't still alive. My son Frank actually made them open the casket one last time to make sure all the mementos were still in there with him and that he could honestly tell Kathy they checked Clay and he was really, truly, gone.
After that we left and went to the accident site and my two cousins sang Go Rest High On the Mountain and we had a prayer there before going back to Kathy's Moms home for lunch.
After an hour Paulius and I went back and I sat and cried for about 20 minutes and talked to Clay one last time. I got a trio of rose-buds from our flower arrangement and the baby-blue bow. I told him if the baby was a boy, I would use the bow as the "It's A Boy" bow for the mailbox.
I told Him if he wanted or needed to talk to me to come to me in my dreams- we can be together as often as we want there.
And then we came home and I took a couple more sedatives and decided while waiting for them to take effect I would write all this down so I don't forget anything important after I sleep.
As for the mementos left were a Memorial shirt with Clay's and Cody's(his dog)photo on the front. A huge amount of letters to him, pictures of his car, the sonogram of Clay and Kathy's unborn baby, a Pack of Newport Ciggies, a lighter and single ciggie in his hand, a RNR tee shirt, and a free pass to Platinum Plus- the local high dollar strip joint.
My daughter laughed about that one and said"Bubba I hate to tell you but there is no Platinum Plus is Heaven" and I told her "Well, Maybe not in YOUR heaven"...I highly suspect that Heaven to Clayton, had Kathy, Their Baby, a whole car-lot covering acres and acres of pimped up cars that were his and he could drive anytime he wanted(and Paulius gave him a blank key so any car in heaven could be started with it), and a Plat-Plus that was open 24 hours a day.
I'm exhausted guys...I think I will go sleep now for a couple days...........Maybe I will see my baby there and be able to give him that one hug and hear him call me "Sweetie" again.
Again, thank you all for all the thoughts and love sent our way this week. You have no idea how much it has meant to us.
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